10 Sure Signs He's Not that into You

Lonely isn’t fun. Too often, women will look past the obvious in a desperate attempt to create a relationship that simply isn’t there. Being aware of some of the signs of disinterest from a man is crucial to avoiding unnecessary heartache. When we waste time pursuing a relationship that isn’t meant to be, we might miss the good one that is. 

When the nights get long, the wedding invites pile up on the counter, and your biological clock is ticking at deafening decibels, it’s tempting to panic and try to make a relationship happen on your own. 

But you are a beloved, beautiful daughter of the Most High King. We’d do better to wait for the King of Kings to match us up with a Prince than trying to take control and do it all ourselves. That’s not to say we can’t put ourselves out there, show interest, and be available, but it does mean we shouldn’t settle. And trust me—going after a man who isn’t going after you is settling. 

Here are ten simple—yet obvious—signs that he just isn’t into you. (Hear me ladies—that’s okay! Because someone else will be!)

  1. You initiate every connection first. Be it phone calls, texting or social media interaction, if you’re the one always starting the conversation, that’s a sign he’s not that into you. Women are wired to be pursued, and men are wired to pursue. If you aren’t being pursued by the man in question, that’s a red flag that he isn’t as invested as you are. Step back and give him the opportunity to text first sometimes. If he doesn’t, take the sign for what it is and move on. 
  1. He blows you off for other plans. Sometimes life just happens, but if you see a pattern of him blowing you off last minute, that’s a sign. If you had a date planned and he cancels, and two hours later he’s posting on Instagram that he’s out with the boys, that’s a red flag. If he constantly breaks plans and doesn’t try to reschedule, that’s another sign. 
  1. You don't have much to talk about. If you’re constantly searching to fill the awkward silence in person or on the phone, or if your text banter always falls apart after a few volleys, this might be a sign. If he avoids eye contact with you and isn’t a good listener when you talk, that’s a stronger sign. A man who is interested in a woman wants to hear what she has to say. He will listen and ask questions to learn more about her. A man who isn’t, won’t. 
  1. He's only interested if there's something in it for him. This is a big one. If you only hang out or talk when it’s convenient for him, when he’s lonely or bored or when his friends blew him off, that’s a big sign. And even bigger sign—ladies, beware—is if he pushes the physical with you but doesn’t pursue the emotional. You deserve better than a friends with benefits type of relationship that doesn’t honor the Lord and doesn’t protect your heart. Cut this off quick and spare yourself the drama. 
  1. He doesn't talk about you. If you’ve been hanging out for three months and he has yet to mention you to his friends or family, this is a red flag that he isn’t sure how invested he is. Some personalities are more private than others, but after so long, it’s only natural for you to come up to his parents, best friend, or brother. If you haven’t, that’s not a good sign. 
  1. He doesn't make effort to get plugged into your life. If he only wants to hang out solo, and never wants to meet the parents, double date with your sister and her husband, or hang out with your best friends, this could be a sign he’s not that into you. If you’re a single parent and he isn’t interested in meeting your child once you’re ready for that step, that’s a sign. Men who have a long-game mentality want to get plugged into your life in every way, to see if they fit. 
  1. He's overly critical. Men who want to change you from the very beginning aren’t worth keeping around. This is sign he’s not into you—he’s into the version of you he hopes to create. This is a recipe for disaster, and a big red flag to run the other way. Somewhere out there is a man who will accept you for you—quirks and all. 
  1. He doesn't cut ties with other women. Men who are actively pursuing a woman will set boundaries with his female friends. The details of this step varies per man, but if he’s interested, he should show you by demonstrating that you alone hold that new role in his life. This doesn’t mean he never talks to his female friends again, but there should be a definite shift in priorities. 
  1. He won't label the relationship. When the woman is constantly having to ask questions to verify the status of their relationship, it’s a sign that he’s not that into you. A man who is into a woman will pursue her and want to tell the world she’s taken. He’ll be proud to be with her. If he’s refusing to label or confirm the relationship, there’s another red flag. 
  1. Sixth sense. Women just know when a man is into them and when they’re not. There will be a constant, underlying sensation of uncertainty in your heart. If this is the case, don’t waste your time waiting around on him. Free yourself of that burden and then wait with open hands for what God has in store for you next.


Betsy St. Amant Haddox is the author of fourteen inspirational romance novels and novellas. She resides in north Louisiana with her newlywed hubby, two story-telling young daughters, a collection of Austen novels, and an impressive stash of Pickle Pringles. Betsy has a B.A. in Communications and a deep-rooted passion for seeing women restored in Christ. When she's not composing her next book or trying to prove unicorns are real, Betsy can usually be found somewhere in the vicinity of a white-chocolate mocha. Look for her latest novel with HarperCollins, LOVE ARRIVES IN PIECES, and POCKET PRAYERS FOR FRIENDS with Max Lucado. Visit her at http://www.betsystamant.com./ 


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